It is those who most recognize the weaknesses they possess who seek out the remedies most vigorously. I sometimes feel that my powers of recognition are not strong enough to account for my weaknesses. If they were, I’d practice Buddhism more consistently - or so I tell myself.

The weakness at issue is one of focus. Trying to quiet the mind is, as they say, like trying to quiet a drunken monkey. What is the monkey telling me? About my lack of a social life, about my taxes, about whether I really need a car, about some cute girl, about getting a new MacBook Pro, etc. These are things that I have to deal with, yes, but not things that have to steal my focus like the annoying update managers in Windows and OS X.

What does it take to learn this ability? Hard work, I imagine. As time goes on the prospect of spending the time to learn it seems less and less daunting compared to the daily struggle of battling the monkey (no, not that monkey).

Some interesting things occurred to me on this topic over the last week or so. Brett, one of the guys from work, left to pursue another job more closely related to his chosen field: physics. During the last week at j2, he still did his job, but he was fairly nonchalant about it. Obviously he knew the problems that would arise would not be his to deal with, and that we were there to take up the reigns. This is decidedly not how I feel about my job at the moment. I get stressed by problems. Inefficient designs and practices grate on my nerves. “Waste is a thief,” as the Microsoft guy in Fight Club said.

It would be nice to capture the feeling Brett had during his last week and apply it every day. The problems that arise will not be mine forever, nor will my accomplishments. The code I write will eventually be replaced by (hopefully) better code as time goes on. As I’ve learned time and again, however, intellectual understanding is merely the first step in the process of putting something like this into practice.

Feeling the same way about women would be nice too. I’ve said that I don’t want to actively pursue a relationship, and that’s still true, but the desire is there nonetheless. Maybe if I bike long enough and hard enough I’ll reach the end of the world where I can sit down and look out into space and finally leave the damn monkey behind.

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